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murpheys law [16 Apr 2008|03:14am] what if this time didnt end with out you? what if this time i made it on my own? what if this time it all gos right but without you? its bound to go wrong cause its for me drowning in my hopes  sunk in too deep what if this time things went right about you? what if this time we take a risk my friend? what if this time we dive right in closed eyes? what if this time you put your heart in mine?   its bound to go wrong cuase its for me drowning in my hopes sunk in too deep what if this time i can make you mine?   (i couldnt sleep)   comment?

new [25 Mar 2008|10:33pm] no control, im falling fast no control, ill never last dont know where  dont know why  dont know how or when ill die help me now im really lost an im ready to rip my heart out i just keep falling back to you i just keep falling back to you i wish i had tommorow yesterday cause now i dont know what to do should i stay or should i go? cant compete with others no no are you better without me?  are you crazy with out me? are you thinking about me? will it even show? help me now im really lost an im about to rip my heart out theres nothing to see in me so you see right through me could you please rip my heart out?   comment?

i fell short [20 Mar 2008|02:35am]   my eyes are drowning in your decision your decision to make an insiscion by shooting me down with precision nothing hurts more then this vision   its all in your face its all in your face   if it fades away is it still love? will you be there if push comes to shove? get me out of this whole that i dug please get me out of this love   i fell short i fell short i fell short   (1) comment?

wow [06 Mar 2008|12:33am] for those of you who havent heard i talked to sylwia and to my surpise it felt good long story short i jsut wanted to hear from her that it wasnt that i wasnt good enough even though i heard it from everyone else its different hearing it from her im back with liz (aka frye)  although im already having doubts again im starting to think i have serious commitment issues now because of past issues an im truly trying to fight it kashew thinks i look for the bad in relationships i think she might be right i just cant help but think that chances are theres always gonna be someone better for me out there then the person im with is it wrong that im afraid to settle with these thoughts swirling in my mind? i feel that im spreading myself too thin with people this weekend is pretty buisy for me i plan on drinking until the stress is numb (2) comment?

[19 Feb 2008|07:39pm] lately life sucks i have a ukrainian nickel somewhere in my digestive tract i was single by the end of valentines day and i havent really been able to drink for about over a month although i came to terms with some problems that i have been facing something that i think will help me in relationships to come i dont like dating around  despite what some people may think due to my apparrent reputation an really i want is to find love again but i realized something that i think its pretty easy too look at someone once you knwo them an as long as your being honest with yourself to ask if you could see yourself with them in years to come instead of lying to yourself an constantly weighing the pros and cons of the relationship your in which ive realized is somehting i do quite often the only trick is to hold to it for lent i gave up women  an sex sorta like a 40 days an 40 nights thing to try an clear my head and force myself to think about whats really important  i can only hope it works (2) comment?

true [17 Jan 2008|12:13pm] life is for the living you gotta live to make a killing you gotta struggle to find something fulfilling you gotta make love without ceilings im disconected overly protected i wanna be infected with everything you projected save me brave me shave me enslave me anythings better than being alone in the darkest depths in the greatest debt whats trying to be said i need to be shed crippled with a lack of motivation on my back an on going act of fears being stacked (1) comment?

[03 Dec 2007|08:35am]  im back jsut got back from san fransico yesterday morning for those of you who did not know i went to go visit my causin hes teaching at a catholic school there its rally cool  he lives with the brothers in the residence an its reealy nice plus he stays there for free, he eats there food, hes got a car there, an they pay for his masters he jsut teaches there  its wierd seeing my causin as a teacher but the kids he teaches are really cute did alot of eating (as always)  an met some of his friends (his friends from wisconsin were hot!) id say thats about it (1) comment?

why does it bother me? [18 Nov 2007|02:17pm] Yesterday was great!  I didnt realize i knew so much about cooking i helped deirdre cook up a small storm an if i do say so everything came out rather well  how ever i did find out something that bothered me very much yesterday i couldnt shake the idea out of my head i ran into an old friend at fernandos which i havent been to for a while aparently my friend works there as well he gos to school with my ex aparently acording to him she said that shes happy shes did what she did i hate that hearing something like that can still bother me an so much at that just on top of the fact that she did that to me she as well she didnt see anything wrong qwith it as if it was justified by somewthing i did wtf did i ever do to her? she's an attention whoring bitch who gets off on the pain of those who she pretends to care about she is one of the fakest creatures in the exisance of time christina cacciopo just to let you know shes called you a bitch behind your back, and that you dont deserve joe but any ways lately ive been a little sick i dont feel sick though i have swollen lymph nodes ive been taking anti biotics an i had to take a blood test where if you know me you know its very hard for me to do aparently as well i have something up with my liver ive been trying not to drink an if i do i make sure its noly a beer or two hoping that it gets better if it doesent within a couple a weeks though im ignoring it an going on as normal   (4) comment?

im naked [03 Nov 2007|11:29am] [ mood | hungry ] hola ! once again its been a while ive been having dreams about people alot lately but there all people like ex's and people im attracted but nothing sexual happens infact one of them was a nightmare (those who know me could probably guess who that was of) she came over just to get some stuff that she never got back then i sat on my bed an then she tried to give me a hicky but it wound up being like a real bite an she ripped out a vein an i bled to death but any ways i have no clue wtf im gonna do tonight i need to stay up till at least 6 am tonight but i dont know what im gonna do who im gonna do it with i should have planned this out better haloween was the besttime ive had in a long while althoguh i kinda feel bad for pissin on that kids car still it was hellla fun i miss being mischevous i miss getting drunk an being all wild an crazy ive still been debating in my head though the whole idea of maturity is it time for me to grow up? or should i continue enjoying life while im young? should i force myself to grow up? can i? cause i dont think im ready im not completely sure if i ever will be i picture myself as the even wilder version of my grandma still having card nights at the house having people over going out still with friends of coarse eventually i wont be able to run from cops but hey itd be some funny shit i mean i think im farely mature for my age ive been working since i was 13 all elgitamate steady jobs i now have a real job with benfits an everyhting as well i go t school as well as i supposrt a small family (my pets) i now have 10 of them my dream in life is to own a house an one room will be similar to a rainforest it will be like a green house but along with grass on the floor an small trees and a little stream running through it an vines all over the place it will house all my pets i want green anoles an brown anoles and red eyed tree frogs an waxy monkey tree frogs an leopard geckos and mmad mads an moorish gekcos, an fan footed geckos, an crested geckosan green tree frogs an tiger leg frogs and coarse some fish prefrably koi in the stream just to one day be able to wake up an just read a paper or have some DECAF coffee in such a setting but of coarse the reality of it is its a dream my dream was to be a rockstar, or even a herpetologist, but with my us histroy grades, an my current profession, an my lack of participating in a band leads me to believe im far from achieving any of which but o well, its reality i guess (2) comment?

tis been a while [22 Oct 2007|07:54pm] [ mood | nervous ] keg for cancer (KFC) had a pretty good turn out many people showed up, an we made the same we did last time around, there were a little more people then i ahd expected and some people caused some trouble, although the person said very cruel things to some of my dearest friends, and seemed to have little concern over the big picture, im jsut going to attribute this to perhaps him being drunk. im sorry to those who had to witness this, an those who were hurt, in the future we do not intend on having such people, we will do another keg for cancer for christmas however it will be exclusive, (thus smaller crowd) and a higher fee, but hopefully people will be willing to pay this for more beer, less people, and a overall better time. i enjoyed alex's birthday, i havent drank like that in a while, i wasnt hung over, but i did suffer some stomach problems into the next day, it didnt stop me from drinking, jsut how much i drank today i found a mushroom that wound up actaully growing in ym tank i was actually thinking of planting some in there any ways unfortunatly one of them wound up trampling the poor thing hopefully more wil grow i plan on putting some more small woodchips in there to hopefully stimulate and feed existing fungi i have a midterm tommrow as well i will mostlikely get results back from my other midterm and essay im afraid i really hope i at least passed an i hope my essay was as good as i thought it was but to be truthful i dont have much faith in the midterm i met another girl  i met her from school she was great, loves music, red head, irish, from austin loves movies and loves to partys an aprently she loves women as well i always seem to pick them out someone please help me i think i have a problem  at the very least this was an eventfull weekend i thoroughly enjoyed myself an learning from my lessons i cant wait for the next KFC I feel like we are created some sort of milestone i was thinking about it an we really are doing something were getting to a whole section of soceity that dont normaly contribute or have much interest in this i feel accomplished i just wish i could in school too =/ wish me luck (2) comment?

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